


Courage and Strength

by tehfanglyfish



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Gwaine Helps Arthur Figure Things Out and Gives Him Sage Advice Regarding Merlin, M/M, Mentions of Leon/Gwen - Freeform, Past Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Post-Canon, Post-Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-22 20:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19992265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tehfanglyfish/pseuds/tehfanglyfish
Summary: While Arthur waits through the centuries to leave Avalon, Gwaine stays by his side.





	Courage and Strength

**Author's Note:**

> As always, written for the love of Camelot and not financial gain.
> 
> The stunning edits created by [lilsjames](https://lilsjames.tumblr.com/) inspired this fic. Thank you for the conversation and inspiration.

The first thing Arthur noticed when he awoke was the absence of pain. Focusing on a lack of sensation was, he supposed, a strange way to perceive the world. But after the excruciating agony of the past two days, it was impossible to not relish the experience of simply existing without hurting.

He was lying on his back, soft ground beneath him, the sound of lake water lapping against the shore in the distance. Opening his eyes, he looked up to a clear blue sky. The heat from the sunlight was nice – he hadn’t felt properly warm in days. Slowly, Arthur sat up, unencumbered by his armor, now oddly weightless on his body.

His immediate surroundings were bright and lush – thick grass with wildflowers interspersed, the sun reflecting off of the lake. Arthur looked out, trying to see the opposite shore, but found it hidden by a thick haze.

“Finally! You’re awake. It’s just like a princess to lie about all the time.”

Arthur would recognize that voice anywhere.

“Gwaine!” He turned to acknowledge the man approaching. “Where are we? Where’s Merlin?”

“We’ll get to that. What’s the last thing you remember?” Gwaine asked as he eased down beside Arthur.

“I was with Merlin. He was taking me to the Lake of Avalon but we were out of time. I was dying…”

Arthur ran his fingers over his side. Beyond the absence of pain, no trace remained of the gash from Mordred’s sword in either his body or his armor.

“Am I dead?”

“Well, that’s the tricky bit. Yes and no. From what I can gather, you did technically die, but Merlin struck a deal with Sidhe. They are restoring you. So that one day you can return.”

“Does that make this the spirit world?”

“Not quite. It’s… in between.”

Arthur thought on this for a moment.

“So if I’m not alive but not dead, then you are…?”

“Dead. I died a few hours before you.”

“I’m sorry.” Arthur had no training in etiquette for interactions with the departed, but it seemed the polite thing to say. “Are the Sidhe also restoring you?”

“No. My time has run its course. And that’s ok. I have almost everyone I need here.”

“There are others? Anyone we know?”

“Look behind you.”

Still sitting, Arthur swiveled his body to take in more of his surroundings. They were on an island, a tower in the middle. Just beyond the tower Arthur could see several figures he recognized – Leon and Guinevere stood close together, Leon’s arm wrapped around her shoulders. Elyan flanked Gwen, as Percival stood off to the side, Lancelot not too far behind him. Near Leon was Gaius, holding hands with an older woman Arthur couldn’t quite place. Beside her stood a young woman with long, blond hair – Ygraine.

As he waved to them, they smiled. Gwen jumped up and down, blowing him a kiss, then hugged Leon tightly, burying her head in his chest. Percival’s face changed as his eyes met Gwaine’s, his smile falling as he stared at the man by Arthur’s side. The intensity of Percival’s gaze forced Arthur to look away. He couldn’t explain it, but it felt as though something private was passing between the two men.

As he turned back toward his mother, a sudden realization interrupted Arthur’s relief at seeing his family.

“Gwaine, are they all…?”

“This realm is closed to the living.”

That revelation hit like a punch in the gut – had he failed them? They couldn’t have all died at Camlann. His mother had passed at his birth. They’d lost Lancelot and Elyan long before the battle, and Gaius had treated Arthur after it was over.

“How long have we been… gone?”

“It’s hard to say. Time passes differently here. Days, months, years… it all kind of blurs together. It’s been a long while. Centuries at least.”

All of this new information led Arthur back to an earlier question.

“Gwaine, where’s Merlin?”

“Also tricky. There are things you need to know about him.”

“He has magic?” If Arthur had been hoping to surprise Gwaine, it didn’t work. “Gaius said something about him being the most powerful sorcerer to walk the Earth.”

Gwaine nodded.

“The way Gaius tells it, Merlin doesn’t just have magic but is magic itself, embodied in a human form. That’s why he was able to negotiate with the Sidhe on your behalf. They didn’t want to save you at first but he compelled them to.”

“And he’s not dead?”

“Gaius isn’t sure that he even can die.”

Of course Merlin would have more surprises. After all those years where Arthur thought he couldn’t keep a secret…

“So where is he?”

“Out there.” Gwaine gestured to the haze across the lake. “Waiting.”

“What is he waiting for?”

“You.”

For the first time since he awoke, Arthur felt an aching pain in his chest.

“How do I get back to him?”

“The Sidhe say they will release you when the time is right.”

“Which is when?”

“That I don’t know. The Sidhe aren’t overly fond of answering questions.”

“Then what do I do?”

“Wait.”

“I hate waiting.”

Gwaine laughed.

Arthur looked back at the people behind them. They were clearly happy to see him but made no move to join him.

“Why haven’t they come over yet?”

“They can’t. This place where you are… it’s not meant for the living or the dead. The risk to them would be too great. And you can’t join them, not and complete the restoration process.”

The ache in Arthur’s chest intensified.

“Then how are you able to be here?”

Gwaine considered Arthur’s question.

“Do you remember the time you went on that ridiculous quest into the Perilous Lands? You were looking for the trident of the Fisher King.”

“I was supposed to complete it alone but you and Merlin showed up. Thanks for that, by the way. I used to be insufferable.”

“Used to be? It only got worse after they put that crown on your head,” Gwaine teased. “Do you remember the man who guarded the bridge?”

“He was… eccentric.”

“That’s one way of putting it.”

“He wouldn’t listen when I tried to tell him my name - he kept calling me courage. He said that to complete my quest, I would also need strength and magic. I tried to tell him magic was banned but…”

The gears in Arthur’s mind began to turn.

“Merlin was magic! So that means that you were…”

“Strength. Exactly.” Gwaine smiled.

“So what does that have to do with…?”

“You have the courage to wait, to endure, until the Sidhe decide you’re ready to return to him. I have the strength to stay with you while you do.”

“Does it hurt you? To be here?”

“It’s not the most comfortable thing I’ve ever experienced. But it would hurt me more to know you were alone.”

Arthur thought his chest might burst.

“Thank you, old friend.”

“Any time, princess.”

A long silence passed between them. The water kept lapping at the shore, the sun set, then rose, then set again, the cycle repeating itself more times than Arthur could count.

“I see your point about time here. It’s as though I can feel it passing around me, but I’m outside of it. It’s strange.”

“You’ll get used to it. Let me tell you a story about the first time I passed through the Perilous Lands. Merlin didn’t believe I’d been there before because there wasn’t a tavern but…”

Arthur wasn’t sure of how long Gwaine’s tale lasted. He could’ve sworn it had only been an hour, yet it also seemed that years had passed. The sensation left him lost, disconnected from his sense of self, as though the pieces that made him Arthur were becoming too scattered as time stretched them thin. Just when he thought he might completely disappear, he felt a hand on his shoulder, Gwaine’s steady presence grounding him.

****

And so the years passed, bending and folding into one another. Sometimes the two men sat quietly. Other times they reminisced about the past. Occasionally they shared secrets neither had dared to confess in life.

“Did you ever have anyone that you cared for?”

Arthur’s question broke a long period of silence.

“There is one person.”

“Is she with the others? Show her to me.”

Gwaine laughed.

“I’ll be sure to tell Percival how you admire his delicate femininity.”

Arthur needed a moment to work it out.

“You and Percival were… but you never said… and I never saw…”

“That’s because I was an idiot. We’d been dancing around it for years and then one night, Percival cornered me in the armory and kissed me senseless. Except I panicked. Not because he’s a man, mind you. I’m rather fond of his masculine attributes. I panicked because I loved him so much - I was scared I would hurt him if I let it go too far. And then Morgana’s attacks started and I met Eira… I’m sorry about her, by the way. It’s my fault that…”

“It’s really not. Morgana would’ve found a way. Have you seen her since you got here?”

“No. No sign of Mordred, either. I guess they wound up somewhere else.”

Arthur lapsed back into his own thoughts for a while.

“I can understand how it might have been hard,” he finally said, “with Percival, to tell where exactly friendship ended and love began. The one blurs into the other and even when you do know, there’s so much that could be lost if you make a wrong move. And it’s possible for someone to be so important, so precious to you, that you don’t want anyone else to know. Because if the world sees your heart, then your enemies can come after it and…”

“Read my thoughts, did you? But once we got here, Percival and I sorted things out. It's funny how dying takes away the urge to hide. And look at what happened when you finally admitted your feelings. Gwen made a fine queen and…”

“I wasn’t talking about Guinevere.”

“I didn’t think you were.”

“The bridge keeper. I’m not sure he got it right. About me being courage, I mean. Out of the three of us, I was the least brave. Merlin lived in constant danger, keeping his secret hidden all those years so he could protect me. There were so many times when your life could’ve been easier, safer, if you revealed your status as a noble. But you refused, holding steadfast to your principles. What did I ever do except hide behind a title?”

“Arthur, you may be a spoiled princess, but you are also one of the bravest men I’ve ever met. Apart from battlefield heroics, you were never one to tolerate injustice. You stood against your father when he was wrong, and when you finally got the power, you told tradition to piss off so that you could make life better for all of your people. You did what was right and didn’t give a damn what anyone thought about it.”

“I didn’t lift the ban on magic. There were several times when I knew I should have but I didn’t. When the Disir…”

“It’s always easy to look back and wish you’d done things differently. Trust me – I know. But that doesn’t make what you accomplished any less important.”

“I should’ve told Merlin and never pursued Guinevere. She was my friend and I loved her, just not as I loved him. But I was a coward. I took the excuse that a king must have a queen and used it as a shield. And in doing so, I wronged us all – Guinevere and Merlin especially.”

“Look, I can’t say what you should and shouldn’t have done. We all have regrets. Gwen loved you in her own way and probably knew the secrets of your heart better than you did. She found her happiness with Leon. And you’re going to get another chance with Merlin.”

“But what if he’s moved on, forgotten about me?”

“Arthur, if there’s one thing I can say with certainty, it’s that he loves you. Even when you really were insufferable, he was waiting for you. I didn’t understand it at the time, couldn’t figure it out. It hurt a little when I fancied him…”

“You fancied Merlin?”

“Briefly. But then I saw the way he looked at you when we were searching for the trident… it was clear even back then that there was no one else for him. Not really. Not in the way that matters.”

“Thank you. For staying here with me, keeping me sane, helping me sort this mess.”

“Of course. Just don’t screw things up when you find him again.”

“I think that’s the best advice anyone’s ever given me.”

****

Time continuing to pass around them, Gwaine’s anchor keeping Arthur from slipping away. He still occasionally looked back to the people he’d known before. Sometimes they were there, waiting at the edge of their own realm, gesturing to Arthur and Gwaine. Other times, they wandered off, doing what, Arthur couldn’t say.

He’d lost all count of how long they’d been waiting. Arthur could sense that it had been many hundreds of years, and he was growing frustrated. Still, if Merlin could endure the centuries, living through the entirety of every single day, then Arthur could try his best to be patient.

And then the wait was over. There was no fanfare, no emissary from the Sidhe preparing him for his departure. The only clue was the opening that appeared in the haze obscuring the opposite shore. It was just large enough to let Arthur pass through.

On the other side of the doorway, he could see a tall, slender figure approaching. He thought he caught a glimpse of dark hair as the person stopped at the edge of the portal.

Arthur had to remind himself to breathe.

“I think this is your moment, princess.”

As the two men stood, Arthur hugged Gwaine tightly.

“Without your strength I wouldn’t have survived this. I can never repay what you’ve done for me. Tell Percival he has my thanks and that I’m sorry for keeping you away for so long.”

Gwaine tried to respond, but choked, his eyes growing moist. Arthur looked back to his Camelot family. No one had ever told him that spirits could cry. Still, they smiled through their tears and waved to him one last time.

“Will I see you, any of you, again?” Arthur asked.

“I don’t know. But we’ll always be near you, watching over you both. Now go take care of Merlin. He’s been alone far too long and he needs you.”

With a final glance to Gwaine, Arthur drew himself up and strode off the shore, into the lake, and on toward Merlin.

****

There were many things Arthur could have noticed as he stepped out of the lake – the weight of his armor, the way his restored body felt weak after centuries of disuse, the roar of strange machines off in the distance. He remained oblivious to them all.

The world was Merlin – Merlin was the world. And the world was apparently barreling toward him. They collided in a crushing embrace, toppling to the ground. Overwhelmed as he was, Arthur held fast to his courage.

“I love you. I’m sorry. And if I can help it, I’ll never leave you again.”

Merlin cut Arthur off with a desperate kiss that left him light-headed. Arthur tried his best to return the kiss with the same intensity.

They were interrupted by a sharp whistle, followed by shouts and cheers coming through the rapidly-closing portal.

Though still weak, Arthur leapt to his feet, pulling Merlin along with him, trying to get one last glimpse of those he had to leave behind.

Merlin stood beside him, squeezing his hand, until the doorway closed completely.

Then, for the first time in fifteen hundred years, Arthur heard Merlin’s voice.

“Come on, Arthur. Let’s get you home.”

Home. Arthur was finally going home. With Merlin.

As Merlin led him away, Arthur looked back one last time.

Thank you again, old friend, he thought. Then Arthur gathered his courage, letting go of the past as he followed Merlin into the future they would build together.


End file.
